A SERMON FROM THE FUTURE

December 8th, 2047

The following is a copy of the sermon from the pastor at the
New International Church of Anytown, USA.

"Good morning. I sure do love hearing the choir sing those traditional Christmas songs. 'Silent night, quiet night. All is calm, all is bright. Round young woman, mother and child, Infant baby so tender and mild'. Those old songs just make me feel so spiritual.

"Take your NIV and turn to John 1:14. "The word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Let us chant.

(Followed by a brief catholic-style prayer which never mentions Jesus by name)

"Church, I'm here to tell you how wonderful the One and Only is. Our church has been very blessed. We have grown very quickly. We are seeing hundreds saved every week. That's because we preach the good news of the One and Only. In the days of old, preachers would try to scare folks with horror stories about a place they called 'hell'. I tell you, that's why church membership in the late 20th century fell to an all-time low. People didn't want to hear about that kind of stuff. Church, those poor folks back then didn't know what they were talking about. I did a computer search of my NIV, and I couldn't find the word 'hell' anywhere. Church, the term they used as hell, really meant eternal death, not a physical place. R. Laird Harris, a great man and follower of the One and Only, he was also editor of the first NIV Bible, is quoted as saying "Hell may stand for eternal death. It refers to death, not to any punishment." When they created the NIV translation, people were so scared of hell, they had to replace it with different words. [Note: it was replaced in the majority of the places, over 100 of them. There are a few places where it is left though. Obviously, the "preacher" lied about his computer search. Please see The New International PerVersion for correct information.]

"Back in what I like to call the 'Dark ages' of the One and Only's church, there were many different denominations, that spent more time engaged in arguments about their relegious beliefs, than actually worshiping the One and Only.

"Thankfully, the NIV and other modern translations came along and gradually changed the wording of the Bible to conform to all relegions. Now, we no longer have Catholics, Baptists, Methodists, Seventh-day Adventists, Episcopalians, Mormons, etc. We just have the New International Church. Now you still have a few cults that refuse to join our one world church.

"You have Jehovah's Witnesses, and a group that calls themself 'baptist' who only read out of the archaic King James Bible. That Bible is the single most damaging threat to the One and Only. That Bible is responsible for many of the mis-conceptions that our older generation has today. That Bible taught about hell being a real and physical place of torment, (the congregation laughs) it taught that Mary was a virgin when she conceived, (more laughter) it taught that once you are saved, you stayed saved, even if you later sinned. (the congregation shakes their heads side-to-side) Also, if you read the King James carefully, you would find that it condemns homosexuality as a sin. (more head shaking) My NIV clearly says I Corinthians 6:9 'homosexual OFFENDERS'. Simply being a homosexual isn't a sin. A sinfull lifestyle whether homosexual or heterosexual is a sin. Church, if we still followed the archaic King James Bible, a homosexual like myself could never preach the word of the One and Only.

"The most damaging thing taught in the King James Bible was that they made it real hard to be saved. They had some crazy idea that you had to actually believe with all your heart that Jesus was the son of the One and Only, which they called 'God'. As I close, take your NIV and turn to Acts 8:36. "As they traveled along the road, they came to some water and the eunuch said, "Look, here is water. Why shouldn't I be baptized?" And he gave orders to stop the chariot, then both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water, and Philip baptized him." My NIV says nothing about believing. It simply says you must be baptized. Please stand.

"When the music plays, please come up to the alter. If you're not saved, we will sprinkle you with the saving water of the One and Only, and you will be saved."

END OF SERMON

At this service, hundreds were "saved" because this new generation had the teachings of the NIV and other modern translations, and weren't "held back" by the archaic teachings of the King James Bible.

This generation is far too smart to use the Bible their grand-fathers used. Grandpa didn't know what he was talking about, and they could use their Bible to prove it.

by Brother Van Vidrine

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